Shut up and drink your Jesus

First off, let me start by saying that anyone who has found this blog by searching for “Jesus” is going to be soooo disappointed. And possibly offended. You may even find yourself wanting to pray for me. Please don’t. While I appreciate that you really feel you’re doing something good, I feel that Jesus has a sense of humor so I’m good here. So if you’re offended by the title and not intrigued, move along. Not the blog for you. I was about to say sorry but I’m really not.

Next, I had a nasty cold recently, which is why there has been so little out of me. I cured it, for the most part, with lots of garlic and vitamin C. I seemed to have let it take a bit of a hold again by having a weekend of fun and alcohol. I had a two-day hangover and today I feel more stuffed up. Or maybe I would have anyway, even without the fun and alcohol. It turns out alcoholic beverages do wonders for making your cold feel like it’s all gone and that’s great. In moderation. Moderation went out the window.

The point of this blog entry, though, is an article I found on coffee this morning. I love articles like these because they support my habit of coffee. They turn it from a “bad habit” into something good. In fact, I may even add one more cup to my daily intake. Maybe. The studies that have been going on, finding correlations between coffee intake and reduced risk of certain diseases is, in my world, the most fantastic things ever. I find these articles more and more lately and there’s nothing better than to be able to say, “See? My addiction is good!” (If it’s good, can it still be called an addiction?) Things I’ve read that coffee can help reduce the risk of: early onset Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, colon cancer, certain types of skin cancer, breast cancer, type 2 diabetes, and depression. There’s even been a study that seems to have found that coffee can actually help prolong your life. Next they’ll say it can cure death. Coffee will cure disease and raise the dead. Like Jesus. A big, warm, tasty cup of Jesus. Of course, there’s always the chance that coffee will actually be the cause of the Zombie Apocalypse. I hope everyone has their zombie plan ready, just in case.

I just had an entire different paragraph here but I’ve decided to save it for a future blog entry. Don’t want to run out of material. On that note, time to clean up the mess from making coffee. Until next time.

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Pardon my mucus

I’ve head a cold since Monday night. I can pinpoint the exact moment it hit me. That weird bit of scratchiness in my throat and a sudden tingling in my sinuses. I sat up straight on the couch and said, “Oh no!” My boyfriend, who was just getting over a cold knew, with just those words. “You’re getting sick!” he said. Yep. That was exactly it. I ran to the kitchen and cut up a bunch of raw garlic and threw it into some left over egg drop soup which I proceeded to garbage down, hoping to get as much garlic in me at once as I could (after heating the soup of course). I also made some tea full of some Chinese herbs that are good for clearing the nose and all that and drank that down. I went to bed.

The next morning, I got up to get ready for an eleven hour shift at work. I didn’t feel much worse but it was definitely taking hold. I got ready, popped a vitamin C drop in my mouth and headed for work. Before I headed in, I stopped and bought some garlic pills. Got to work, made more of my Chinese tea and promptly swallowed two garlic pills. You’re only supposed to take one a day for a healthy heart but I was trying to kill a cold. So two. And I planned on taking another at lunch and then another later in the afternoon. Perfect, because the box says they’re odorless. Lies! All lies! Twenty minutes after taking the first two I could taste garlic in my mouth. (At this point, let me note that the bank I work in is what is known as an in-store branch. An in-store branch is a bank branch located, well, in a store. Usually a grocery store or superstore of some kind. You’ve seen them around. This is as specific as I will get about where I work.) I borrowed some gum from a co-worker and then ran out into the store to buy more gum when I could.

Now, I’m calling the garlic pills a liar but to be fair, I did take two pills as opposed to one, which may very well make a difference. However, later when I just took one, I had that same garlic taste in my mouth twenty minutes later. Granted, that was the third one I’d had that day. So maybe if you just stick to one a day? Regardless, not only was I fighting a cold, I was fighting garlic breath.

I lost the fight. By Tuesday night, the cold was pretty full blown. I went to work Wednesday, which is very busy for us in the evening. That sapped whatever energy I had left and I’m home sick today and glad for the rest. Between the garlic, vitamin C and the Chinese herbal tea (all of which I kept taking throughout Wednesday) I think I managed to lessen the impact though. I don’t think I’m as sick as my boyfriend got and I think, with rest today, that I should be feeling quite a bit better tomorrow. Which is good, because the boyfriend and I are heading up to his old college’s homecoming celebrations Saturday and meeting up with friends there. Some I know, but others I don’t and I don’t want my first impression to be of someone completely high on cold medicine, although that may have to be how it is. At least it’ll be amusing.

Yep, I’m going to talk about it

Are you ready? Because I’m SO going to talk about it. That’s right. The iPhone 5. I don’t have one. I will. I plan to replace my iPhone 4 when my phone is up for an upgrade because I refuse to pay $750 for a new phone. I’ll pay $300 though. Why? Because Steve Jobs did a very good job of brainwashing me so, of course, I must have this new toy. And yes, I realize he died almost a year ago but it’s not like in the movies when you kill the Head Vampire all the lesser vampires revert back to being human (I’m thinking of The Lost Boys here. You know, actual badass vampires). Just because Mr. Jobs is no longer among us doesn’t mean his brainwashing has gone away. That’s here to stay unless his replacements really, really fuck it all up. So far, this doesn’t sound like the greatest upgrade but they haven’t screwed it up to the point where my brain is able to override the desire to have it anyway.

I have a taste of the new phone with the software upgrade on my current phone. iOS 6 seems to be a clusterfuck, really. And Apple’s anti-Google bigotry really stands out now. The You Tube app that came standard with the phone disappeared. It can be downloaded for free now but really? And no more Google maps! It’s Apple maps, which is a comedy of errors. Really, I don’t know what the issue they have with Google is but I’m pretty sure that Google will one day become self-aware and will then become our benevolent overlord so really, Apple, have some respect.

I also had to download a new app just to be able to read my work schedule which is done as an Excel spreadsheet. Used to be I could just go into my email, open the attachment and there it was. No more. A couple extra steps are needed now and scrolling from one part of the schedule to another results in a bunch of choppy jumping so that you end up overshooting where you wanted to go. Some people have had an issue with using WiFi. The new Passbook thing doesn’t work for a lot of people. The whole thing is just buggy as hell and I feel sad because I’m pretty sure Steve Jobs would never have allowed a product like this to be released. He would have demanded better because he was a flippin’ tyrant and that’s how he rolled. Tim Cook is totally dropping the ball here.

And what’s with the new USB connector? I’m sure there are design reasons for making it smaller (maybe for a little more battery room?) but that’s not the issue I have. They named it. They named the connector. It’s called Lightning. Who the hell names a USB connector? There were so many other things that could have used a little extra attention while they were sitting around coming up with a name for a USB connector!

So WHY am I still determined to have this new phone? Because I still hold out hope that this will be a big lesson to Tim Cook and that these kinds of colossal mistakes won’t happen again. Because I’m hoping there will be an update to fix the bugs (maybe even before my upgrade comes up next month). Because my phone doesn’t have Siri and as slow as she can be, I still want her on my phone (and because I hear the update actually has her working better for the most part – something that went right). I look forward to a bigger screen and a thinner phone (Although now its just going to stick out of my jeans pockets even more – is there a reason the pockets on women’s’ jeans are so much shallower than men’s? We put things in our pockets too!) *shrug* I happen to be a sheep in this case, I admit it. But at least I wasn’t standing outside the Apple store on September 22nd waiting to drop $750 on a phone that is only kinda better than the one before, which was only slightly better than the one before that. Steve, you did your job well.