Yep, I’m going to talk about it

Are you ready? Because I’m SO going to talk about it. That’s right. The iPhone 5. I don’t have one. I will. I plan to replace my iPhone 4 when my phone is up for an upgrade because I refuse to pay $750 for a new phone. I’ll pay $300 though. Why? Because Steve Jobs did a very good job of brainwashing me so, of course, I must have this new toy. And yes, I realize he died almost a year ago but it’s not like in the movies when you kill the Head Vampire all the lesser vampires revert back to being human (I’m thinking of The Lost Boys here. You know, actual badass vampires). Just because Mr. Jobs is no longer among us doesn’t mean his brainwashing has gone away. That’s here to stay unless his replacements really, really fuck it all up. So far, this doesn’t sound like the greatest upgrade but they haven’t screwed it up to the point where my brain is able to override the desire to have it anyway.

I have a taste of the new phone with the software upgrade on my current phone. iOS 6 seems to be a clusterfuck, really. And Apple’s anti-Google bigotry really stands out now. The You Tube app that came standard with the phone disappeared. It can be downloaded for free now but really? And no more Google maps! It’s Apple maps, which is a comedy of errors. Really, I don’t know what the issue they have with Google is but I’m pretty sure that Google will one day become self-aware and will then become our benevolent overlord so really, Apple, have some respect.

I also had to download a new app just to be able to read my work schedule which is done as an Excel spreadsheet. Used to be I could just go into my email, open the attachment and there it was. No more. A couple extra steps are needed now and scrolling from one part of the schedule to another results in a bunch of choppy jumping so that you end up overshooting where you wanted to go. Some people have had an issue with using WiFi. The new Passbook thing doesn’t work for a lot of people. The whole thing is just buggy as hell and I feel sad because I’m pretty sure Steve Jobs would never have allowed a product like this to be released. He would have demanded better because he was a flippin’ tyrant and that’s how he rolled. Tim Cook is totally dropping the ball here.

And what’s with the new USB connector? I’m sure there are design reasons for making it smaller (maybe for a little more battery room?) but that’s not the issue I have. They named it. They named the connector. It’s called Lightning. Who the hell names a USB connector? There were so many other things that could have used a little extra attention while they were sitting around coming up with a name for a USB connector!

So WHY am I still determined to have this new phone? Because I still hold out hope that this will be a big lesson to Tim Cook and that these kinds of colossal mistakes won’t happen again. Because I’m hoping there will be an update to fix the bugs (maybe even before my upgrade comes up next month). Because my phone doesn’t have Siri and as slow as she can be, I still want her on my phone (and because I hear the update actually has her working better for the most part – something that went right). I look forward to a bigger screen and a thinner phone (Although now its just going to stick out of my jeans pockets even more – is there a reason the pockets on women’s’ jeans are so much shallower than men’s? We put things in our pockets too!) *shrug* I happen to be a sheep in this case, I admit it. But at least I wasn’t standing outside the Apple store on September 22nd waiting to drop $750 on a phone that is only kinda better than the one before, which was only slightly better than the one before that. Steve, you did your job well.